Thursday, May 21, 2009
We Are Not Men, We Are DEVO.
So anyway, it seems we can now carry guns in national parks. Finally! I know a few squirrels who are about to get what's coming to them. For some reason, when people think of squirrels, they think of fuzzy little scamps who entertain us with their cute, adorable antics. What they're actually thinking of is chipmunks. Chipmunks are cute. Squirrels are fat, stupid little thugs, lacking any sort of morality, who mooch on animal and human society alike while committing crimes against all of nature. They crap in the woods like they own the place! But it now dawns on me why the little tree rats think they're better than us, it's because they are higher up on the evolutionary ladder. Sure, we have opposable thumbs, but they climb trees with their feet! And compared with monkeys, who have opposable thumbs on their hands AND their feet, AND have those cool tails, we're not looking so good. If they learn how to use a computer or a gun, we're goners. So the next time you see a squirrel, flip that smug little bastard the bird. Someone's got to put them in their place.