Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Breaking News! Obama allegedly has a love child! Sure, it may not be true, but by following the example of that stalwart bastion of exemplary news journalism, CNN, I can say anything I want as long as I use weasel words like "sources say" and "allegedly". Plus I can also issue retractions years from now, like The New York Times. But anyway, unnamed sources say Obama got into it with that news-shrew Andrea Mitchell on their trip to Germany when Obama was campaigning there to become president of ...the U.S.A. Andrea Mitchell reputedly said Obama was very limber and had a lot of stamina. Apparently he didn't use protection because he wrongly assumed that she couldn't bear children since she doesn't have a soul. Sources close to the Second Family say the child is named Chicory. And this just in! If you're drinking coffee, prepare to do a spit-take: Walter Cronkite died in the arms of a prostitute! Allegedly.