Tuesday, September 1, 2009

ObamaCare, Anyone? Anyone?

It turns out that with ObamaCare failing badly in public polls, Barack has graciously decided to reveal details of his healthcare reform bill BEFORE anyone has a chance to vote on it, as opposed to his earlier plan to let us in on the details AFTER it's been voted on.

  • The public option will now include free candy!

  • Have decided they will NOT be killing anyone's grandparents, except in self-defence.

  • In an effort to curb fish-born diseases, Chief of Staff Rahm Emmanuel will stop sending dead fish to people.

  • Ladies get free healthcare on Tuesdays!

  • Un-American mobs get a group discount!

  • Placebos and suppositories will now be grape-flavored.

  • Free mandatory vaccinations for the flu, measles, and outspoken-ness.

  • All diseases will be diagnosed with rectal exams. Including gingivitis.

  • Government cheese for everyone!

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