Sunday, November 29, 2009

I Am Such A Nice Brother

Recently, I learned that when you go to the doctor because of stomach pains, one of the first questions they ask guys is whether your nuts hurt. I'm not kidding. It turns out that if you have abdominal pain, where else you have pain can help in the diagnosis, and if you have an infection, you can actually feel pain in other parts of your body besides the abdomen, like down your legs, or in one or the other of your nuts. Since this didn't happen to me, I find it hilarious. In fact, I sent a certain someone a sort of get-well e-card. This is the picture I included.
And in case you didn't know, laughter is not the best medicine for abdominal infections. Which makes me kind of evil for sending this.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Who Doesn't Wuv Obama?

Hmmm, this is kind of funny if it's true. The following is from Us Weekly magazine. It seems that Anglina Jolie doesn't care much for Barack Obama.

"She hates him," a source close to the U.N. goodwill ambassador, 34, tells the new issue of Us Weekly. "She's into education and rehabilitation and thinks Obama is all about welfare and handouts. She thinks Obama is really a socialist in disguise," adds the source. But don't expect to see the Salt actress rally against Democrats on Fox News like her staunch Republican father, Jon Voight. "Angie isn't Republican, but she thinks Obama is all smoke and mirrors," the source says. And those political views are putting her at odds with Brad Pitt, 45, who is a big fan of the president and even went solo to the 2008 election party in Chicago. "They get in nasty arguments all the time about it," says the source. "She doesn't respect Brad when it comes to politics, but, in the end, this won't tear them apart."
I remember something last year where Roseanne or some other Liberal celebutard was upset with the Jolies because they wouldn't endorse Obama for President. Now we may know why. It seems that just because you work in Hollywood, that doesn't mean you have to be a complete moron. I mean as long as you have a hot body to go with it.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Heil Truthühner!

Once again, our lovely President is having difficulties greeting foreign dignitaries. Well, not really foreign, more like domestic. And not really domestic, more like domesticated. And with all the different cultures around the world and the President wanting to kowtow to all of them, maybe we should forgive Obama for getting mixed up once in a while. I mean, what would you do if you were asked to greet a White House visitor who was the product of genetic programs intended to breed an all White race? Wouldn't you give that visitor a Nazi salute? Well, maybe not after you saw that it was a turkey. It's hard to figure out what the President was thinking here, but after his Asia trip, you can bet that there was no way he was going to bow.

Monday, November 23, 2009

I Find Your Lack Of Faith Disturbing

Some Republicans are floating the idea that we need a test or oath to see if politicians are real Republicans. If they fail, they won't be eligible for RNC funds to help get them elected. But you only need to score 8 out of 10 and the questions are kind of wishy-washy. If Allahpundit can score an 80%, then obviously we need a new test. Here is my new oath/test.

  1. We support smaller government. Basically what we have now, except without the Democrats.
  2. We stand against illegal immigration. Except in the case of really hot señioritas. They go to the front of the line.
  3. We support cannibalism, for some reason.

  4. We support market-based energy reforms by opposing cap and trade legislation. We especially support nuclear power, because without nuclear accidents, we wouldn't have any superheroes.
  5. We stand against anyone putting vegetables on barbecue grills. We consider Bobby Flay and everyone at The Food Channel to be enemies of America.
  6. We stand with any Republican willing to challenge Dick Cheney to a staring contest.
  7. We oppose legalizing gay marriage because, seriously, how gay would that be?
  8. We support victory in Iraq and Afghanistan. In fact, we support victory everywhere. World domination, that's what we're saying here.
  9. We support containment of Iran and North Korea. No, screw containment. Until we destroy one of these countries in a hailstorm of nuclear hell-fire, no one is going to take us seriously.
  10. We stand against waterboarding. Just kidding, we support more waterboarding. A lot more waterboarding. I mean a ridiculous amount of waterboarding.

The Obama Award Tally, So Far...

By now, most people know that Barack Hussein Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace prize for what can best be described you say...doing nothing? But did you know he has a Grammy award? That's right, and while he may not have written his own autobiography (seriously, who would write their own autobiography, anyway?), he did apparently read it out loud, and for that he was given an award. No wait, he's written two books, so obviously he would need an award for each book (and yes, he really does have two Grammies). But here's the one that amuses me the most. He was awarded a Black belt in Tae Kwon Do. Obama's counterpart in South Korea, Lee Myung-bak, who practices Tae Kwon Do, gave him an outfit. And a Black belt. It makes you wonder why the South Korean President wouldn't have given him a novice-level belt, but maybe Obama's reputation for getting things without earning them has made it to the Far East. Or maybe it's his well-known ultrasensitivity to perceived slights. You would think that earning a Black belt would require years of study and that it would be inappropriate to avail a discipline with cultural symbolism to diplomatic photo-ops and glad-handing. Nope. So to recap, Obama has a Nobel prize, two Grammies, a Black belt in Tae Kwon Do, and...let's see, what was that other thing? That other thing that he won that he clearly wasn't qualified for...


Saturday, November 21, 2009

Random Lyrics, For No Reason At All!

We're ordinary people
close but not the worst,
but I think you know.

were all the lonely people
alone but not at first?
But I think you know.

Sometimes we don't have a life

Sometimes we don't have a life

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Can A Brother Get Some Menthols?

"Obama and Congress increased taxes on tobacco products earlier this year to pay for expanded children's health insurance, but tobacco for roll-your-own cigarettes saw a disproportionate leap, from $1.10 to $24.78 a pound." This pisses me off, and I don't even smoke! That's more than a 2000% increase! And why on earth are we using taxes on cigarettes to pay for "children's healthcare" (That's in quotes, because like other nobly named legislation, the money is probably being used for other less noble purposes)? If people stop smoking won't the poor "children" get screwed? It's legal to smoke cigarettes, it's legal to grow tobacco, but unfortunately it's also legal to bankrupt farmers engaged in growing a legal product if you've sleazed your way into a job as a Senator or a Representative. Oh by the way, flavored cigarettes were also banned this year by the Obama administration. Well, all but one flavor that is, menthol cigarettes. I wonder what type of cigarette Obama smokes?

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Why Would Bill Belichick Spit In The Wind?

Sometimes when you over-think things (because you're smart!), you end up doing something stupid. It's mid-week now, and sports fans and pundits are still talking about Bill Belichick blowing the game by going on fourth down and handing the game to Peyton Manning and the Colts. For you non-football types, going on fourth down on your own side of the field is akin to suicide. It's so foolish, it's practically a rule. But that's what's so crazy about it. A three time Superbowl-winning coach made a mistake that high school coaches wouldn't even make. Heck, you don't even do that on a videogame unless you're screwing around. But then Belichick must not be a music fan or he would have remembered that song. I think it was Jim Croce who once sang, "You don't tug on Superman's cape, you don't spit into the wind, you don't pull the mask of that old Lone Ranger, and you don't go on fourth down, on your own 28 yard line, with the lead, with 2 minutes to go on the clock and with the other team only having one timeout." See! It's even in a song! Of course, there could be an even shadier reason why Belichick went on fourth down, remembering that he's already been caught cheating (videotaping and stealing plays from other teams). Maybe he thought he was going to be clever and be the hero with some insider-knowledge of the other team, but Indianapolis was on to him. That would be just pudding for someone who is a little too smart to play by the rules.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

It's A Sham Trial, For Justice!

This could end in any number of horrible ways, but Eric Holder, Obama's attorney general and noted race-baiter, has decided that he is going to hold the trial of the 9/11 conspirators in civilian court. He has already implied that he will get a conviction, which makes this sound like a sham trial, but honestly, anything less than the death penalty will make Holder and Obama look even more naive and incompetent than they were when they decided against using military tribunals to try these terrorists. The trial looks like it will last a very long time, especially when you consider that it could be appealed all the way to the Supreme Court. If this starts to look bad for the Obama administration, the first one to be thrown overboard will be Eric Holder. But I still have some other questions.

  • How are they not going to release classified information?

  • How many times will this be appealed?

  • When other terrorists attack in retaliation for holding a public trial of one of their own, will they attack during the trial, after the trial, or will they courteously wait until after the sentencing?

  • Will Khalid Sheikh Mohammed have to try on any gloves?

  • How much evidence will be thrown out because it was torture induced? A lot or all of it?

  • Will waterboarding come up?

  • Will Dick Cheney burst into the courtroom and kill all the terrorists with his bare hands?

  • Will the defense lawyers use "The Chewbacca Defense"?

  • Will they show the Carrie Prejean sex tape even though it has nothing to do with the trial?

  • With all of the media attention this will receive, will big Muslim beards and long robes finally supplant the Mad Men skinny tie trend?

  • Will Khalid Sheikh Mohammed be forced to reveal his true identity?

  • Will the judge wear a shorty robe?

  • Will the phrase, "That's what she said!" come up under cross examination?

  • Will taxpayers, fed up that they have to pay for lawyer fees and goat rental for these chomos, finally decide that posse justice is the best kind of justice?


I sure hope that Barack Obama isn't delaying adding more troops in Afghanistan until after he gets his Nobel Peace prize. It's one thing to caricature the President as a naive egomaniacal buffoon, but for it to be true...

Monday, November 16, 2009

Do The Vampire!

One of my favorite albums is Head Trip In Every Key by Superdrag. I don't know what it is about this album, but it's like comfort food for my ears. I go through these phases where I'll listen to maybe all the Beatles records in a row, maybe listening to Sgt. Pepper's or Abbey Road more than once, and then move on to some other band, then listen to all of their records. But I seem to come back to Head Trip In Every Key over and over again, without ever getting tired of it. I know it's a lame way of saying it, because right now I'm suffering from writer's block,(or is that blogger's block?) but I like this album.

On a related topic, I noticed that Verizon or some other phone company is using music from Architecture In Helsinki. I think it's weird that such an obscure band (in the U.S. at least) is being used in an ad campaign, but whatever, they're a nifty band.

Terrorist Sympathizer Calls Americans Un-American

Representative Jim Moran (D-VA) is a special kind of idiot. Jim Moran refers to anyone who disagrees with Obama's decision to try the 9/11 conspirators in civilian courts rather than in military tribunals "un-American". I guess some people might be upset that the terrorists are going to receive the same rights in court as New Yorkers, the same New Yorkers that the terrorists were trying to destroy. Can't you just see the irony! No wait, not "irony", that should be "middle finger". Now, we've seen this kind of willful stupidity before, especially during the summer when the Tea Party movement was in full swing, but that was regarding a policy disagreement on whether we need to nationalize health insurance (and necessarily, health care) in this country. That name-calling was ridiculously petty, but Jim Moran's comments are a little different. The trial is for a group of people who have already attacked our country. We've been holding them to gain information about terrorists, and when they were no longer useful, they would get a trial in front of a military tribunal, because they are war criminals. This is long awaited justice that Jim Moran could have been championing for years, but instead has chosen to devote his energy to a much worse option, politicising their detention at Guantanamo Bay while trying to shut down the prison, bringing the terrorists to New York City to hold a show trial, and insulting those who disagree him, especially those who have lost loved-ones because of these specific terrorists. I disagree with him, of course, but li'l ol' un-American that I be, I think we need another option. What we need is for Jim Moran to go away. We can't let the world see that members of our own government care more about the rights of terrorists (the real un-Americans) than they do about actual Americans. He needs to be shunned by society. With no one left to help him in his life, eventually he'll step in front of a car, stick his tongue in an electrical socket, or forget to close his mouth in the shower. However it happens, the world will be a better place. And "until we do that, it only strengthens the hand of people who recruit new terrorists with the claim we aren't true to our principles."

Friday, November 13, 2009

How Big Of A Nerd Am I?

Here's a photo of Thaddeus McCotter, a member of the U.S. House of Representatives and frequent Redeye guest. Now aside from the fact that he's playing a Telecaster (wanker), notice anything else? He's wearing a jacket that was only available at the beginning of the (First) Iraq War. How do I know? His jacket is reversible, and the interior, the green grid pattern, was meant to fool night vision technology of the time. It didn't work very well and was scrapped very quickly. But now you know...completely worthless information.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Guess Who's On The Menu!

Uh oh. Times are tough, but I didn't think they were this bad. It seems that zoos have started looking for alternative sources of food for their animals. Check out the bottom left corner of this picture. And by the way, I didn't get a good picture of the sign on the bottom right, but a word of caution, you need to be very careful around lions or they will urinate on you!

The Post Where I Cheapshot The President

D.C. Based Muslim Prays for ‘Recovery of Dr. Nidal Malik Hasan’ on FaceBook, and it's not even Barack Obama!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

A Rope Would've Been Cheaper

The D.C. sniper John Allen Muhammad has been executed today in Virginia. "He is absolutely unafraid and he will die with dignity — dignity to the point of defiance," his lawyer said before his painless execution, the irony being that the innocent people he killed did not die with dignity, but instead died horribly painful bleeding deaths. Unfortunately for his victims, he died through lethal injection rather than the method I would have chosen for him, a pick-axe to the forehead. But that's what our judicial system calls justice, I guess. I don't call it that because he basically received the same end of life treatment that you would have given to a terminally ill cancer patient in a euthanasia case, and I don't equate a patient trying to alleviate pain with what Muhammad has done. But apparently, our judicial system does.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Random Lyrics Time? You Bet!

"We go dancing nightly in the attic

While the moon is rising in the sky

If I'm too rough tell me

I'm so scared your little head will come off in my hands"

It's Like He's Trying To Do The Wrong Thing

What do you do when there's a national emergency, like say, oh I don't know, a terrorist attack on American soldiers, and you're the Commander In Chief? How about tacking on some comments about the mass murder after your opening spiel and after you give a "shout-out".

Classy. And better yet, what if Bush had done the same thing? But in fairness to Obama, it's really hard to reprogram a teleprompter.

Why Is Anderson Cooper Such A Pedophile?

I guess the term "teabagger" has taken hold in our unbiased non-state-run mainstream media. Keep in mind, these aren't leftwing nutbag bloggers spouting off at the "evil" Republicans, but genuine bonafide news organizations. Fox News isn't using the term, but as Barack Obama keeps telling us, they're not a news organization. I'm not sure why the media has decided to attach this particular term to Tea Partiers, but they do appear to be sticking it to the people who don't agree with the Democratic Party platform. These Tea Party people need to be punished, with ridicule, and the media is certainly trying to force their characterization of them on the American people. Can you imagine how silly Jon Stewart of The Daily Show felt when he found out that CNN and MSNBC had already used the term before he did on his news satire show. He was beaten to a lame joke by real news organizations, which I guess is part of their jobs now. I believe Anderson Cooper was the first of the journalistic giants to use the word, and he must be tremendously proud. Being a humble blogger, I can't hope to live up to the high standards of journalism that the likes of CNN, The New York Times, The Washington Post, or even The Providence Journal can attain by turning their collective forces on some unsuspecting dissenters. That kind of integrity takes years to build, and using a crude sexual term must just add another brick to that already strong foundation. But for myself, I would like to presumptuously coin or "reassign" a word to more accurately describe these unconditional supporters of Barack Obama, pedophiles. Now before you pedophiles get all upset at me for using that term, think about it. You love Obama, but in the world of politics, Obama is basically a child. John McCain spent more time in a POW camp than Obama has spent as a politician. Obama was running for President when he only had two years on the job as Senator. And when you look at the amateurish way that Obama has been trying to foist his socialist policies on the American people, it's almost as if he was born yesterday. It makes more sense to call Chris Matthews(a real person) of MSNBC(not a real network) a pedophile than to call people concerned by proposed government programs "teabaggers". Have you seen the way Chris Matthews talks about Obama. Have you heard Matthews tell his viewers how Obama's speeches makes him "tingle"? Creepy. And he's certainly not the only one. Is Anderson Cooper's use of the word "teabagger" a sign of his derision toward those who disagree with this President, or a Freudian slip his President? Frankly, it's hard to imagine anyone at CNN, or MSNBC for that matter, who isn't a pedophile. And once again, I'm not saying these media people have sex with children, I'm just saying they journalism.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

This Is Where I Took My Dog When He Broke

In Obama Math, One For Three Means I Won

I did worse on my election predictions last night than I did on my football pool this week. I got Virginia right, but both NY-23 and New Jersey were wrong. You would think that one for three would be bad, but according to Nancy Pelosi, I won.

Monday, November 2, 2009

A Gingrichian Nightmare* Or How To Beat The Spread And Love The Bomb

I have this vague rule of thumb when it comes to election predictions. If you are a Republican challenger in a blue state, you have to be ahead by about 10 points in the poll immediately preceding the election to beat a Democratic incumbent. If you are a Republican challenging a Democrat for an open seat in a blue state then you have to be ahead by about 6 points. If you are a Republican in a red state challenging a Democratic incumbent, then you need a lead of about 4-6 points to take the seat. The same applies for Democrats challenging Republicans. This rule of thumb relies on cynicism and the fact that voters seem to change their minds on the day of the election. Incumbents are hard to beat.

A lot is being made of the gubernatorial races in Virginia and New Jersey and also of the 23rd district race in New York, as a Republican sweep would supposedly mean a repudiation of Obama's national agenda and a Democratic sweep would supposedly be an endorsement of it. In concrete terms, these races don't change the dynamics in Washington D.C. and Democrats will still have overwhelming control of the Senate, the House of Representatives and the White House. It more or less means nothing, but I'm still going to try and guess the winners.

In Virginia, the Republican Bob McDonnell has a double digit lead over Democrat Creigh Deeds in most polls, and whether you count Virginia as a red or purple state, it looks like he's won if polls are accurate.

In New Jersey, Republican Chris Christie leads in some polls and incumbent Democrat Jon Corzine leads in others. RealClearPolitics averages out the polls with Christie leading by about 1. A close election in a blue state means the incumbent wins. And considering what a piece of crap Corzine is, this fits in nicely with New Jersey's reputation nation-wide.

It's more complicated in the 23rd House district of New York. It's an open seat in a Republican district. The Republican candidate with the Democratic voting record has dropped out of the race because she lost a lot of support when Conservative Party candidate Doug Hoffman entered the race. Apparently Republicans want to vote for a conservative, whether there is an (R) next to the name on the ballot or not. Hoffman and the Democratic candidate Bill Owens have swapped the lead over October, but the latest polls have Hoffman ahead in a Republican district, so I'm giving him the win.

* "Gingrichian Nightmare" coined by Allahpundit from It just made me laugh.