Thursday, May 28, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
- Gangmembers could shoot more accurately if they didn't hold their guns sideways.
- Rhode Island is an...ISLAND! Really. Sort of.
- Beach balls aren't just for the beach!
- Since we have two eyes to see in stereo, and two ears to hear in stereo, doesn't having two nostrils mean we should smell in stereo?
- Obesity is increasing because less people are smoking.
- I really, really want a tranquilizer-dart gun.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
- She holds stock in Waterboard Inc.
- She enjoys the soothing sound of water cascading... and the sound of screaming!
- She thought they said waterbreading.
- She's trying to hide the fact that that wasn't really water they were using.
- There are pictures of her pointing at a guy's junk.
- She had skipped out that day for a spring-training game.
- She's actually one of the X-Men. Main superpower... waterboarding!
- She was more concerned with quietly opening a bag of chips during the briefing.
- Doesn't want people to know that waterboarding really works, and that she uses it on her interns every night.
- She's hiding the fact that terrorists were only soaked in water so they could be fed to the rancor.
- Anthropologists have discovered that in her language, lying and telling the truth are the same word.
- She didn't know she was going to be tested on all this stuff later.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
I think it would be hilarious if someone hacked into the president's teleprompter and inserted the phrase, "No Dave, I don't like rutabagas." I think it would be funny but then, I'm easily amused.
The police caught me twittering while operating my lawnmower. He probably would have let me go with a warning if I had been wearing pants.
It's almost 2:30AM and they are airing Rambo First Blood. The people who are up at 2:30 in the morning probably don't need an instructional film on flipping out and blowing up a small town.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
- I have a million uses for chloroform!
- Dick Cheney runs on batteries!
- Pants are almost never optional.
- The Long Island Railroad has been disgusting every time I've ridden it.
- I learned twitter-speak from those little candy hearts. And Prince.
- The sun causes 100% of global-warming.