Thursday, April 29, 2010

Was The Louisiana Oil Rig Explosion A Terrorist Attack?

I'm not usually one for conspiracy theories, but why is Barry Obama sending SWAT teams to investigate oil rigs in the Gulf of Mexico? I wasn't aware that SWAT was an investigation unit. He does have Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano out front on this, which would normally attract attention, but with this administration and their hippy logic, an oil spill could be equated with a terrorist attack, or "man-caused disaster". And Napolitano does use the "This is a spill of national significance" line which does allow the government to bring in other non-related resources whenever a disaster of "national significance" occurs. But when you send SWAT teams to "investigate" other oil rigs in the area? Hmmm....

The Mayor Of NYC Is Mad, And He's Not Gonna Take It Anymore!

The headline reads, "Mayor Bloomberg slams Arizona's anti-immigrant law" Well, thanks chomo, most of us Arizonans were wondering what the mayor of a city in another state was thinking. Your opinion is very important to us. I especially enjoy the fact that you're not a moron or retarded, despite your public appearances. Because, otherwise, someone might point out that New York City is kind of a sleazy, decrepid, crime-ridden city run by a half-wit mayor which is not at all corrupt, as long as you compare it to New Jersey. Oh, and it's also a great place to score some heroin. Oh, and it's also a city whose citizens don't give a crap about anyone else because they don't want to be inconvenienced. But they do like to complain about other people's problems. Which is why I also enjoy your quotes from the article. Like these,
  • "We don't have doctors, and we're not allowing people who want to come here and be doctors to come here," the mayor said. "This is just craziness."

Yes, you're right, it's such a shame that all those doctors have to sneak across the border. Those are exactly the people that Arizonans are complaining about.

  • "People are developing new drugs in India, rather than here. They're going to win the next Nobel Prize in China or in Europe, not here. If we want to have a future, we need to have more immigrants here."
Wait, so you're saying that instead of sharing a border with Mexico, we should share our border with...India? This may be too fine a point to make to someone who is unwilling to grasp really really obvious things, but we have a problem with our southern border, with drug crime and human smuggling. Phoenix, Arizona is the number two city in the world for kidnappings, right behind Mexico City. That whole drug war thing that's been all over the news, but which you've never heard of, has been spilling over the border. Our southern border. If Nobel Prize winners in Medicine from India want to relocate to Arizona, we'll gladly take them.
  • He(Bloomberg) called on President Obama to lead the fight to overhaul the nation's immigration rules. "I will be there behind him supporting him 100%," he said.
Really, 100%? What exactly are you going to give 100% of? What is it that you think Barry Obama is going to do that will magically solve a problem that he has repeatedly shown he doesn't want to solve? Maybe you should solve New York City's problems first. And, when you're done with those, then you can express your fake indignation about other states' problems.

Why That Government Official Was Ogling Your Kidneys The Other Day

It seems that New York wants people to be organ donors, whether they want to or not. Now that Obama has begun the government takeover of healthcare, it seems that New York officials need to make sure they have enough supplies in their inventories. The law being proposed implies that the government can take your innards when you die, unless you expressly declare that your organs belong to you. The default is that the government can take them, although I'm not sure if you should call it organ "donation" anymore if you don't really have to make a choice. I guess now we know why they are so concerned with banning transfats and cutting out the salt. Because wouldn't you hate it if someone was treating your property badly? I wonder what other laws the government can propose to protect New Yorkers? Hmmm....

Saturday, April 24, 2010


Don't ever let anyone tell you that the mainstream media just writes fluff pieces about the Obamas, or that they may, in fact, actually be part of Barry's reelection campaign.

" White House adviser spills secret: Obama loves pie

Associated Press BURBANK, Calif. - Presidents have had their indulgences — Ronald Reagan loved jellybeans and Bill Clinton binged at McDonald's. What's President Barack Obama's weak spot?


Obama's senior adviser, David Axelrod, told Jay Leno Friday that the president was forced to "separate" from the White House pastry chef to break his bad eating habits.
"One of the things that happened when he came to the White House is they have a very great pastry chef. It became a big problem," Axelrod confided on "The Tonight Show."
The president, he said, "has a weakness for pie." The chunky-built Axelrod might just be needling his boss — Obama lectures him about diet, exercise and his "beer gut." The pie problem didn't come up earlier this year when the 48-year-old president was declared in excellent health by his doctors. An avid basketball player and golfer, it was said he eats modest portions. Axelrod had a different story: He says the president loves cheeseburgers and pie, hardly health food. The news wouldn't be welcomed by first lady Michelle Obama, who's on a campaign against childhood obesity. "I hope the first lady isn't watching," Axelrod said. "

Oh, that pie-sneaking scamp! Yes indeed, don't let the first lady know that her husband is taking in any calories that don't come from a pack of menthol Virginia Slims. He really seems to have let himself go, unlike his trim, svelte, not-at-all-huge-assed wife. Who knows, maybe if Barry sticks to his zero calorie diet, then maybe his wife will be proud of him for the first time in her life.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Random Lyrics? Hoo Boy!

A half-full moon in Mexico City I think of you
And when I saw the Southern Cross I wish you had too
I wish my heart was as cold as the morning dew
But it's as warm as saxophones and honey in the sun for you

Oh I've been spending half the year in a plane going up and down
And you've been seeing other people from a nearby town
Been obsessing and depressed about us
Excess baggage and other stupid band stuff

I'm in training to become as cold as ice
I'm determined to protect my feelings, to disguise
When I said I didn't love you, I told a lie.
Because there is no one above you though I try
Would you laugh at the time I spent calling your name
Over and over and over and over again?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

'Technology We Can Believe In'

This was an April Fool's joke over at Paddock Talk, but it's also a fine bit of satire, although the $100 million to save 60 jobs is a little too close to the truth for comfort.

"BREAKING NEWS: Obama To Bailout USF1 Formula One Team, GM To Fund Team Until 2015
By Mike Sulka

With the health-care bill settled in Washington DC, United States President Barack Obama has turned his attention to job creation opportunities in the high-tech automotive racing sector. has exclusive information that tomorrow April 2nd, 2010, the President will announce a $100 million bailout - named 'Technology We Can Believe In' - of the Charlotte-based USF1 Formula One operation and immediately save 60 jobs - including those of Team principals Ken Anderson and Peter Windsor.
Anderson and Windsor had proudly promoted the opportunities for American drivers and engineers in Formula One after winning an entry for the 2010 season. Misfortune struck them hard when a sponsor was unable to meet their obligations and the team was unable to finish their revolutionary racing car.
One high-ranking White House official revealed, "We are committed to the goal of a re-tooled, re-imagined auto racing industry that can compete and win."
But the initial bailout won't be the end of the planned support.
General Motors will follow the breaking news that they are prepared to fully fund the USF1 team starting in the 2011 season - with help from the United States government - through 2015. The auto manufacturer tie-in will be the desire of the Obama administration to make carbon-fibre and KERS road vehicles common. was able to reach Windsor for confirmation of the impending announcement. Windsor wouldn't confirm all the details - especially those related to GM - but did say, "Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."
Windsor did indicate that the the total economic impact of this move will spread the wealth well beyond USF1.
"We see a future - with the administration - where USF1 will employ 10,000 direct workers and contribute over $1 billion in economic impact to the greater Charlotte metropolitan area by the year 2020."
The only catch we see so far is that no USF1 employee - including drivers - will be allowed to make more that $250,000 each year.
Stay tuned to as we continue to investigate this breaking news."

Thursday, April 15, 2010

The Taxman Cometh And He Taketh Away

No one likes paying taxes. Sure, go ahead and gripe about taxes, but there are some good things about it...
  • Paying taxes redistributes the wealth, which is better than working hard for something. You can't imagine how much joy your money brings to the 47% of the country that doesn't pay taxes.
  • Knowing that my taxes go to worthwhile projects, like buying $4 million worth of 10W-40 motor oil a year for Democratic Senator Chuck Schumer's hair, just gives me a special feeling.
  • With the government so desperate for cash, now is the time to launder that drug money. I doubt if they'd bother to check.
  • One of the most rewarding things about paying taxes is knowing that it will be used to pay for more Ben-Gay to soothe Michelle Obama's massive forearms after she works out.
  • If you e-File, your tax payment goes directly to both the U.S. Government and Russian mobsters, which saves paper and trees.
  • Without taxpayer money funding research, how would we know about the sex lives of swamp shrews?
  • Paying taxes is not just patriotic, it also buys Barack Obama more diapers.
  • The anticipation of seeing if you get your tax refund before the government goes bankrupt is just thrilling.
  • Paying my taxes helps Democratic New York Representative (and noted tax cheat) Charles Rangel relax on the beach in the Caribbean.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Myth Of The Cheaper Government Anything

Politicians are not businessmen. In the middle of a recession, government salaries are increasing, which is unheard of for anyone concerned with the bottom line. Our national government has been hiring tens of thousands every month when the rest of us have been worrying about whether we can afford to not let someone go. Chief among every politician's poor understanding of economics is their continued assertion that by increasing the scope and size of government services programs, we will somehow save money. Nothing has ever borne this out. Every entitlement program we have is going under, and yet politicians keep operating as though common sense can be ignored. My dad used to race back in the day, back when you didn't have the high-performance industry creating ready-made products to fit every car or engine. If you wanted to increase the performance of an engine, you either had to make a part yourself or adapt a part from another industry. Because their parts were made strong and, especially, light, many parts were adapted from aircraft. One time, at one of these parts retailers, my dad was griping about the price of some bolt when the salesman said, "You're lucky I'm not giving you the government price." This company supplied parts for the U.S. Government, and the price given to them was usually 3 or 4 times the price that was given to private buyers for the same part. Why? Because that was the price that the government wanted to pay. It's not the politicians' money, so they have no deep interest in watching their pennies because there's always more money to be had. So when they say that prescription drugs or medical services will be cheaper now that we've passed health care "reform", I'm always surprised they don't just burst into flames. Disturbingly, built into any budget bill that comes out of Congress is the policy that if someone doesn't spend their full allotment, it will be cut in next year's budget. If someone overspends, then obviously they should have had more money, which will then be allocated in the next budget. They are rewarding profligate behaviour and punishing common sense. Which leads me to something said by my Senator, John Kyl, whom I usually like, but this is just kind of sad.

"Before Congress went on spring break, Republicans blocked a one-month extension of health insurance subsidies and additional weeks of unemployment insurance for people who have been out of work more than half a year.

"You never know in politics when that magic moment comes when things really begin to change, but I believe that it has occurred now," said Arizona Sen. Jon Kyl, the second-ranking Republican. "I think you'll see a much greater commitment now to fiscal responsibility.""

Breaking News! Atheists Richard Dawkins And Christopher Hitchens To Have Barack Obama Arrested!

We all know how much atheists love the children, so it should come as no surprise that famous atheists like Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens want to arrest the Pope for recent allegations that pedophile priests were protected or ignored . I'm assuming that these atheists just haven't gotten around to requesting an arrest warrant for Barack Obama the next time he visits their country. Maybe they don't realize that Barry, as president of the United States, is the head of that notable rape and molestation factory, the American public school system. And while the media has gone to great lengths to push the Catholics-support-pedophilia argument, they have also expended just as much energy to hide much greater allegations against the public school system in the United States. As Christopher Hitchens has said, "The institutionalised concealment of child rape is a crime under any law", so obviously he should be concerned about the well-being of all children, not just those wronged by religious institutions. Good for him. I mean, if he was only going after the Catholic Church, that would almost make it seem as though he was supporting pedophiles. As long as they don't believe in God.

Breaking News Update: Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens have decided against having Barack Obama chemically neutered for sheltering pedophiles because, as said by Mr. Hitchens, "You've seen his foreign policy, what would be the point?"

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Idiot President Furrows Brow, Tries To Understand Economics

Yay! President Tiny-Pants is proposing a euro-style value added tax on goods sold in the United States to try to pay for his monstrocity of a health care bill! But, you may ponder, I thought this healthcare bill would be deficit neutral and like totally free for everyone, and wouldn't Democrats be stupid liars if they knew all along that they needed to raise taxes? Yeah, they don't care. I would say they have huge huevos to try to get away with this kind of lying, but with no one to hold them accountable, they really couldn't care less. Anyway, I think it's adorable that they say they need to raise taxes to "tame the deficit". Barry has already shown that the only way he can think of to combat a failing economy is to spend more money. But Barry can't stop himself from spending, regardless as to the state of the economy, so "taming the deficit" seems like one more lie that somehow gives him one more excuse to take hard earned money and misappropriate it. Plus, what better way to help an ailing economy than to add another anchor on it in the form of a VAT? Now for an exit question ala allahpundit, how long before Democrats, con los huevos gigantes, start whining about how the Republicans are being partisan and not helping to fix this mess, that Democrats are wholly responsible for, when costs start to skyrocket? Or better yet, how long before they say "things would have been worse if we didn't pass ObamaCare", when we start griping about our rising health care bills? You know, like when Dems said we needed to pass the 800 billion dollar stimulus bill or else unemployment would go over 8%. The system works!

Friday, April 9, 2010

Hot Enough Fer Ya?

I just found out that formula one cars have to replace their titanium exhaust systems after only one race. It seems that over the course of a race weekend, they get kind of crispy and become more and more prone to break. Watch the video and keep in mind that the engine is idling until about the :48 mark. Also, don't forget to bring the weenies the next time you go to a race.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Anon, It's Random Lyric Time

I'm in a van, and you're holding my hand
And you are traveling with me through forests and sands
I've been innocently learning your language
And you've been taking full advantage, haven't you?
Don't say it's true.

Oh, it feels like none of this is real
I pretend that my heart and my head are well
But if the blood pumping through my veins could freeze
Like the river in Toronto I'd be pleased
You said I made you feel warm
Said I made you feel warm inside

Tuesday, April 6, 2010


Hooray! MGMT's new album is coming out Tuesday April 13, the day after KFC's Double Down comes out. You can hear the album at, and also see the freaky video for its first single. I think it sounds pretty darn good. Awesome even. And with something good happening on Monday and Tuesday, next week is turning out to be kind of killer. Now I just have to figure out if anything cool is happening Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.

Things I Suddenly Realized All Of The Sudden... Again

  • Why do we have so many hospital and law themed television shows? No one likes going to the hospital, or going to jury duty, but apparently we don't mind watching them on TV?
  • Great minds think alike, but then again, so do stupid minds.
  • Do the Right To Remain Silent and Freedom Of Speech cancel each other out if you're being arrested at a political protest?
  • I wish we still had elevator girls.
  • Since Barry Obama calls anyone who disagrees with him a racist, what does he call real racists?

Oh, Sweet Jesus

Thanks to KFC, I now have a reason to live, at least until April 12th. They have a new sandwich coming out where they replace the bread... with fried chicken! It's called the Double Down, presumably because everything containing bacon is awesome, and they've doubled even that level of tastiness down and added fried chicken 'bread'. That's right, I said fried chicken 'bread'. Could it get any better? Well, yes, they could have tried bacon 'bread', but they obviously discovered that bacon doesn't have the structural rigidity to support either bacon or cheese, unless maybe they could create some sort of bacon I-beam....hmmm. But nevermind, fried chicken bread is plenty good in my book. Which leads my insomnia-addled brain to consider the horrible, possibly life-changing question, "What else in my life could I replace with fried chicken?" I may not be sleeping for a while now.