Thursday, December 23, 2010

Anyone Who Laughs At This Should Be Arrested

Why Did Jon Stewart Cross The Road?

Because the White House told him to. White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs gave Stewart a delicious toffee during a Tuesday press conference because, like a good little puppet, he furthered the media meme that Republicans are big ol' meanies who hate adorable puppies and orphans. There can't be anything deeper than that when Republicans do anything, right? What wasn't mentioned at this press conference, (or by Jon Stewart for that matter)? That Democrats could have easily passed the bill on their own when they had a filibuster-proof Congress instead of doing it now during the lame duck session. I'm not sure whose turn it was to brief Jon Stewart this time, but we already know Tim Geithner's got the job whenever Jon Stewart needs to parrot something on the economy. And if you're keeping score via Jim Treacher's clown nose on/clown nose off thing, it's clown nose off.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

What Would Me Do?

Rahm Emanuel Is The New Mayor of ChicagoLand!

Via The DrudgeReport, people are actually challenging the fact that Rahm Emanuel lived in Chicago these past two years even though he didn't actually live in Chicago these past two years. Yeah, I know, crazy. It seems that to be the mayor of Chicago you have to actually live there, and also prove that you've lived there for a year. In most places you would think the answer to the question, "Where has the President's chief of staff, who has lived in Washington D.C. these past two years, lived these past two years?" With the answer being, "Not Chicago". But, this is Chicago. What Rahm Emanuel is saying is that even though everyone knew he was in Washington D.C., he was simultaneously living in Chicago. It's like quantum mechanics, except instead of electrons, you have douchebags. Of course if Chicagoans really do buy this lode of squirrel leavin's (keeping in mind Rahm's ability to bend facts, threaten people with dead fish and the media's sychophantic loyalty to him), he's pretty much Chicago's mayor already. Because if he can argue that he was in two places at once and win, are you really going to argue that he didn't win the election even though he didn't get the most votes?

Where Are The Robot Congressmen?

Did you see the news about the cars that drive themselves? Weren't we supposed to have these like in the sixties, along with jetpacks and food in pill form. And also monkey butlers. Technology was supposed to make our lives easier and jobs that don't require any intelligence or reason were supposed to be handled by cool looking robots with flashing lights. Which is why I also thought that we would have had robot politicians by now. Just in case robot designers need a helping hand, I've written a basic program that easily handles all the Constitutionally-appointed responsibilities of your typical congressman and/or senator.

SchumerBot5000 Program:

10 Get elected

20 Don't read bills

30 Waste trillions

40 Goto 10

Is This Still Racist?

Because it was last year for some reason.

Why Doesn't Anyone Take Obama Seriously?

What's that old line, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice...or is that three times? Anyways, at this point, the question isn't, "What will Obama do to help the economy?", it is, "What else will Obama be working on instead of the economy?" And even though I feel worse, economically-speaking, this year as compared to last year, Obama says the economy has been fine since he magically fixed it. But I guess that's obvious, isn't it?

Weapons Of Mass Destruction

We all know that because of September 11, we can't bring certain deadly, deadly items on planes anymore, like nailclippers, scissors, pocketknives or underwear, because terrorists have used those items attempting terrorist attacks. I can live with this, mostly because I don't have any choice in the matter. Which is the way Government likes it. They're not real big on whining or that silly Freedom of Speech crap that our uneducated Forefathers saddled them with. As our government continues to tell us, with infinite power comes infinite wisdom, so who am I to question what and why items are banned? But recently I was shopping on the internet for a present for my nephew, when I noticed this warning in the shipping section of the order form.

Due to FAA regulations, this item must be shipped via ground.

I was ordering a guitar.

CIA Unveils Top-Secret New Plane

Anthony Weiner Aptly Named

Watch the video and let the Weiner speak for himself.

Wow, what a petulant stupid jerk. As someone on another blog said, he looks like he's about a second away from stamping his feet and holding his breath because he's not getting his way. Nice job electing this guy, New York. No, I'm being serious. Because every day this guy is in Washington, that's another day where there's one less a-hole in New York.

This Made Me Laugh

Wow, I just realized I haven't posted anything this month. Time to remedy this malfeasance.

Dude, I'm Freaking Out Again.

I thought I had lost my mind when I agreed with Phil Jackson the last time, but now he's defending Christmas?
"It used to be Phoenix and L.A. and New York and Boston and New York or Philly or somebody on the East Coast,'' Jackson, speaking before Tuesday's game against Milwaukee at the Staples Center, said of the once much more reduced NBA schedule on Christmas. " Now, I see they have like six games (actually, five) on Christmas. It's like Christian holidays don't mean anything to (the NBA) anymore. You just go out and play and entertain (on) TV. It's really weird.''

That's twice in the same year that I've agreed with Phil Jackson. I may need to start drinking less. Or more.

p.s. And when did Yahoo Sports get taken over by such huge douchebags?