Friday, January 28, 2011

Someone's Not Taking The Bye-Week Well

Friday Music Bloggy

I couldn't decide which way to go, so you get two videos this week. The first video is kinda gay, but the song rocks and it has three, count 'em three guitar solos. The second video is more mopey but it has the lovely Hope Sandoval of Mazzy Star in it.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Drug Smugglers Getting All Medievel On Our Asses

You know how they say Arizona is "under siege" from drug smugglers and human traffickers? Well, they're kind of right, literally. Apparently, smugglers have gone back to ancient technologies like catapults to transport drugs across the border. No word yet on whether they are using these to get illegal aliens across, but it's only a matter of time before someone complains that I'm using the wrong term and that it should really be called a trebuchet, to which I take offense and challenge said rapscallion to a duel of rapiers and bucklers. But I have some other thoughts...
  • Does Mexico suck so bad that they still have to use medievel technology?
  • They've been using these things to deliver enchiladas around town for a while, so it was only a matter of time, I guess.
  • I guarantee that they built that catapult from parts they bought at Home Depot.
  • The Historical Society is already complaining that they weren't using period-appropriate costumes.
  • Did it really take this long to figure out that keestering drugs is not that much fun?

Keep This In Mind The Next Time Someone Says Obama Is A Great Speaker...

Via, NPR asked its listeners to provide three words to describe Obama's State Of The Union speech. This is what you call a failure to communicate...

Thursday, January 20, 2011

How Is This Not The Saddest Thing Ever?

Via, apparently, members of Congress are carrying around their own backgrounds for interviews. I honestly don't know what to say. It's such an blatant example of why they suck, that, despite the fact that they are always lowering the bar of acceptable behavior, I'm still kind of surprised.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Friday Music Bloggy

The Fateful Return Of Random Lyrics

She won't speak to me
Won't speak
And it's all my own fault

Baby I'm afraid to let you know
They stole the show and towed the rowboat
Though slow
We're on the go like rabbits in the snow

Baby I'm a lonely kind of man
Like a rapper with a forty in his hand
I can't stand
When you talk about that other man

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The Post Where My Blood Pressure Does Unpleasant Things

First of all, those weren't Arizonans. I'm referring to the Gabrielle Gifford Memorial/campaign stop that Obama organized for tonight. I have no idea how people "scored" tickets to this awesome event, but I have heart palpitations right now thinking that idiots all across the country will think that we would act like that during a memorial event for a mass murder. No, this was the first stop of Barack Obama's 2012 reelection campaign. I can only assume that tickets for this event were distributed by the DNC to their voter rolls judging by the inane clapping and cheering that went on. Did Napolitano get off some really good lines? I couldn't hear because of the rushing sound in my ears, but it must have been great to see so many Democratic stars in one place. I hope someone saved me a t-shirt! And did Obama try a Sonora dog? Because the concession stands were open during this solemn event. Why? I don't know. I guess people like to eat when they know there's going to be entertainment. I'm feeling a little faint right now, I guess because a lot of people are saying it was a great speech. Really? So letting the media go hog wild for five straight days, lying and accusing conservatives of abetting murder, is fine as long as you can make a speech where you blame both sides(!) for unfortunate speech. What is he, graded on a curve? Does he get a cookie now? Have we gotten to the point where Obama succeeds just by not completely failing? This was not a memorial. This was an ass-saving event organized in a 14,000 seat college arena so Obama could try to look presidential but still let the media characterize conservatives as murderers. In other words, it was just politics. The only thing that would piss me off more is knowing that Obama's team set this up so they could say, "See, look how popular he is in Arizona. He's been screwing over that state but they still cheered for him. At a funeral!"

How? How Can This President Suck Anymore?

At the risk of spreading violent rhetoric™, Obama is a douchebag. Who the hell goes to a memorial service for a mass murder and thinks, "Say, how can I rebrand this "event" to reflect me?" Well, apparently Obama.

Good News! Media Now Only 32% Effective

According to a poll, only about 32% of Americans believe the media when they say that Jared Loughner killed those people in Tucson because Sarah Palin told him to, even though there's no evidence to support their ridiculous claims. The bad news, of course, is that 32% do believe the media when they say that Jared Loughner killed those people in Tucson because Sarah Palin told him to.

Shaken Not Stirred

The next Bond film comes out Nov. 9, 2012.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Heebie Jeebies

Uh Oh! More Cross-Hairs Of The Evil Conservatives!

A Rally Burger with cheese? Run, cheeseburger! Run! AAAAAAA!!!!

You Know Who The Media Really Thinks Is Dangerous?

Not the Tea Party. Not Glenn Beck or Rush Limbaugh. Not even Sarah Palin. How do I know? Because everyone in the media is a coward. Like politicians, they worry about their own safety first, and their response to Islamic terror is a perfect example. If the media really believed that the Tea Party or Republicans were truly dangerous, they would keep their mouths shut, just like they did when Muslims threatened anyone who printed Mohammed cartoons.

Could A Conservative Get Away With This Hilarious "Joke"?

Via SusanAnne Hiller at

Bernie Sanders Finds The Silver Lining To Mass Murder

Fundraising! You may think he'd have to be a horrible person to take advantage of a tragedy, but that's because you must have forgotten that Bernie Sanders is, literally, a socialist. If the millions of people killed under socialism don't bother him, do you really think he'd be squeamish about capitalising on this?

There's Idiots In Illinois

The fine people in Illinois are about to be rewarded for electing people who don't know how to balance a checkbook; their income taxes are almost going to double. Yes, the state that taught Barack Obama how to be fiscally disciplined is "swimming in debt". But wait, you may ask, how does raising taxes help to stem a problem where politicians outspent income? Won't this incourage politicians to keep spending, knowing that they can always raise taxes? No, these geniuses have thought of that.
Legislative leaders agreed to impose strict caps on spending. If spending grows more than 2 percent a year, the income tax increase would immediately be canceled, officials said.

See, so if politicians spend too much then...taxes go the debt will...wait...the debt is higher and taxes go down so...OK, these people are morons.

p.s. And as always, please Chicagoans, don't move to another state. You made the mess, now live with it.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Stories I Missed Last Year

Wanna See A Typical Daily Kos Reader?

Yes, the moonbats at Daily Kos completely deserve this. While most people were being shocked and saddened by the Tucson shooting, Daily Kos and its ilk were busy trying to blame this on Sarah Palin. That's right, Sarah Palin. Let's hope they get the help they need before even more incidents like this occur.

Anyone Who's Surprised By The Left's Response To The Giffords Shooting Hasn't Been Paying Attention To The Left

Let's call it Schumerizing, you know, because Chuck Schumer is a piece of crap.

The idea is to identify hot-button issues early, frame them in a favorable
light for the party and allow Democratic senators to relentlessly drive home the
point through press briefings, conference calls, newspaper op-eds and local

“There will be a far more aggressive, more proactive, more
rapid response than we’ve seen in the past,” said Sen. Robert Menendez of New

And they sure are squeezing all the political gain they can out of the Tucson shooting. Remember, it's about getting their message out, not the truth.

Bob Kerrey (D-ouchebag) (Updated)

In case you were wondering whether Democrats were truly concerned about the shooting in Tucson or whether this is all fake outrage for political gain, here's ex-Senator Bob Kerrey, Democrat.

Tomorrow they were going to vote to repeal this health care bill — and it’s not
going to go anywhere in the Senate — it’s one of the reasons that this guy was

So there you go, he was angry that healthcare was going to be repealed so he shot a Representative who voted for the healthcare bill.

Update: Why Newsweek is going under. "Can Obama Turn Tragedy Into Triumph?
Saturday’s shooting spree could prove a turning point in the Obama presidency
." They also quote Rahm Emanuel's, “You never want a serious crisis to go to waste,” except that they seem to think that profitting from someone else's crisis is a laudable goal. Good show, Newsweek!

Mercedes Not Crosshairs

I think they meant to put a peace symbol there, but Democrats are so out-of-their-minds right now, they may literally mean Mercedes.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Holy .... Dick Cheney Doesn't Have A Pulse!

This is kind of freaky. Dick Cheney, that guy who makes liberals' heads explode on sight, had an artificial heart pump implanted during the summer because of longstanding heart problems. "The heart pump, known as a ventricular assist device, pushes blood continuously through the body in place of a normal heartbeat, creating the oddity of a patient with no pulse."

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Can Anyone Relate To This Level Of Stupidity?

Cubachi has a post on someone whining about Sarah Palin's show being more popular than his show. I'm sure a show called "What Not To Wear" is just riveting important television, but does an effeminate dandy acting bitchy really constitute "quality" television? And does that same dandy have the right to complain about anyone's show? Of course this is just Sarah Palin Derangement Syndrome that these people are suffering from, so it doesn't matter what Sarah Palin is doing, they're going to caterwaul like someone stuck a hat pin in them. And like you, I was dumbfounded that Joy Behar was anywhere near this stupid conversation.

KELLY: I hate somebody who’s, like, Oh, look at nature. Look at this beautiful Alaska.


KELLY: Look how beautiful everything is. Let’s go kill something…

BEHAR: Right.

KELLY: … because we need some meat in the refrigerator.

BEHAR: I know. As if anybody in New York City can relate to this.

Man, that's stupid. And since I'm not anybody in New York, I'm not sure I can relate to this level of stupidity. It reminds me of someone who called into a radio show a few years ago to complain about hunters. She said something along the line of, "Why can't they just go to the grocery store like everyone else?" I honestly don't know if she realized that meat in the store used to be a living animal that was killed. Either way, I sure hope no one tells these people that millions of plants had to die to make their salads, or they'll end up like these people...

Liberals Am Smert!

In case you missed it, here's a liberal voicing their main concern about the Constitution, i.e. it's like old and stuff!

I guess he should have workshopped his argument on JournoList first, huh? He's talking it back now as a more nuanced argument, but the 'old' thing seems to be a standard argument among liberal thinkers. How many times has a New York Times columnist lamented the fact that Tea Partiers aren't young, but old and grody? Liberals act like teenagers who are always whining about their parents and how things are going to be different when they grow up but eventually learn that their parents weren't as dumb as they thought they were. Except liberals don't eventually learn anything. But since I'm the helpful sort, I've decided to explain some old stuff so it's not so confusing to Mr. Klein.
  • The cotton gin: A machine that allows you to separate cotton seeds from cotton. Warning, do not drink.
  • The fork: A utensil used to lift food to the mouth. Do not put in eye.
  • The automobile: It has lots of complicated parts, but don't let that confuse you. It's a means of conveyance, like a horse. (Oh crap, I wonder if I should explain what a horse is since they've been around for a long time too)
  • Socialism: a system of government which allowed dictators to bankrupt and kill millions of people but which is still seen as super awesome by left leaning journalists.
  • The song "Girls just want to have fun": It's about how girls just want to have fun. It's from 1983. Which makes it 28 years old. Which makes me feel old. But it reminds me of something else from 1983...
  • The movie "Lone Wolf McQuade": The main point to be learned from this movie is that if you are ever buried alive in a Dodge Ram Charger by arms dealers, all you need to do is crack open a beer, start the engine, engage the clutch-driven blower and put the pedal to the metal! Also that Chuck Norris is awesome.

Things I Suddenly Realized All Of The Sudden

  • The best part of cock-fighting is that you get to eat the loser. That doesn't work so well in other sports.
  • The "span" in spanglish stands for spanish? Well, then I have no idea what a lot of people have been saying.
  • The problem with our government is that it's not results-oriented. We want the economy to improve; they get paid either way.
  • Archaeologists are grave robbers.
  • Getting into a boxing match with a giraffe is a bad idea, mostly because of their reach advantage, but also because they cheat.
  • Benjamin Franklin is in the International Swimming Hall Of Fame. Seriously.
  • If the Jews were really God's chosen people, they would be allowed to eat bacon.