Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Liberals Am Smert!

In case you missed it, here's a liberal voicing their main concern about the Constitution, i.e. it's like old and stuff!

I guess he should have workshopped his argument on JournoList first, huh? He's talking it back now as a more nuanced argument, but the 'old' thing seems to be a standard argument among liberal thinkers. How many times has a New York Times columnist lamented the fact that Tea Partiers aren't young, but old and grody? Liberals act like teenagers who are always whining about their parents and how things are going to be different when they grow up but eventually learn that their parents weren't as dumb as they thought they were. Except liberals don't eventually learn anything. But since I'm the helpful sort, I've decided to explain some old stuff so it's not so confusing to Mr. Klein.
  • The cotton gin: A machine that allows you to separate cotton seeds from cotton. Warning, do not drink.
  • The fork: A utensil used to lift food to the mouth. Do not put in eye.
  • The automobile: It has lots of complicated parts, but don't let that confuse you. It's a means of conveyance, like a horse. (Oh crap, I wonder if I should explain what a horse is since they've been around for a long time too)
  • Socialism: a system of government which allowed dictators to bankrupt and kill millions of people but which is still seen as super awesome by left leaning journalists.
  • The song "Girls just want to have fun": It's about how girls just want to have fun. It's from 1983. Which makes it 28 years old. Which makes me feel old. But it reminds me of something else from 1983...
  • The movie "Lone Wolf McQuade": The main point to be learned from this movie is that if you are ever buried alive in a Dodge Ram Charger by arms dealers, all you need to do is crack open a beer, start the engine, engage the clutch-driven blower and put the pedal to the metal! Also that Chuck Norris is awesome.

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