Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Smartest. President. Evah!


Thursday, September 8, 2011

I Have Faith In This Stupid President

No seriously, I have faith in Barry.Yeah, I know he sucks and all that, but did you ever think that maybe his suckage is actually kind of comforting? I mean his suckage is so predictable that I can barely blog about it, such is the lack of outrage. Or at least it has been since he lost his filibuster proof super majority. You remember that, right, when he could have done everything he's going to propose in his speech tonight without any Republican support at all? But anyways, since then he's just been so ineffectual.  It's almost as if he's so intellectually incurious that he doesn't have the ability to learn. It's just the same stupid stuff over and over. Honestly, what kind of a former community organizer is this bad dealing with other people? Isn't that all community organizers do? And now he wants to give another speech. On the same day when people will be more concerned with who won the Republican presidential debate, or opening day of the NFL season, or Peyton Manning being out the whole year(???)! Want to know what he's going to say tonight? Here's the gist of it from Monday's Labor Day speech.

So I’m going to propose ways to put America back to work that both parties can agree to, because I still believe both parties can work together to solve our problems. And given the urgency of this moment, given the hardship that many people are facing, folks have got to get together.

But we’re not going to wait for them. (Applause.) We’re going to see if we’ve got some straight shooters in Congress. We’re going to see if congressional Republicans will put country before party. (Applause.) We’ll give them a plan, and then we’ll say, do you want to create jobs? Then put our construction workers back to work rebuilding America. (Applause.) Do you want to help our companies succeed? Open up new markets for them to sell their products. You want -- you say you’re the party of tax cuts? Well then, prove you’ll fight just as hard for tax cuts for middle-class families as you do for oil companies and the most affluent Americans. (Applause.) Show us what you got. (Applause.)

The time for Washington games is over. (Applause.) The time for action is now. No more manufactured crises. No more games. Now is not the time for the people you sent to Washington to worry about their jobs; now is the time for them to worry about your jobs. (Applause.)

If he doesn't quote this verbatim I'll be shocked. So go watch some football. You're not missing anything.

p.s. The quote thing on Blogger doesn't work.

Things I Suddenly Realized All Of The Sudden

  • The Colbert Report is a minstrel show
  • Teachers who reach tenure don't have to pay back their student loans.
  • The lesson of Rambo: First Blood is be nice to drifters.
  • Natalie Portman is Israeli (I had no idea)
  • You cannot scan money. No really.
  • Helen Keller was a socialist.
  • The PIT maneuver is actually kind of frowned upon if you're not a cop.

Friday, September 2, 2011

The Post Wherein I Try To Break My Writer's Block

Or blogger's block, whatever. I was just thinking that maybe Obama doesn't need to wait till next year to know whether he'll be elected. September and October are kind of notorious for market crashes and judging from the fact that I'm blogging from under a table in the fetal position, this may indicate that there is some uneasiness in the economy. First there were rumors that Bank of America was in trouble and then Warren Buffett confirmed those rumors by giving them a mini-bailout. Now, Obama is suing EVERYONE with a bank. Especially Bank Of America, who was already getting sued. And who's up for even worse unemployment? Not me, but then nobody ever asks me. And Europe? Good Lord, are they screwed. Yeah, they actually make us look good. Which is like saying, "Yeah, I'm a victim of John Wayne Gacy, but at least it wasn't Jeffrey Dahmer who got me". But at least we have a president in charge who's...who's...

Hey Hey It's The Monkees