Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Leading From Behind (The Desk)

I laughed. I cried. I cried some more. By the end of reading The New Yorker's article "The Consequentialist" I was already thinking up ways to destroy the earth. Alas, I could only guarantee that three fifths of the world's population would be wiped out, leaving a full two fifths of the world to survive something more horrible than being eaten alive by rabid marmosets (that's what I came up with): living out the rest of Obama's term. I linked the quote below, but you can save yourself some stupidity-through-osmosis by not reading the whole thing. Here's the notable quote anyway...
"Obama may be moving toward something resembling a doctrine. One of his advisers described the President’s actions in Libya as “leading from behind.” That’s not a slogan designed for signs at the 2012 Democratic Convention, but it does accurately describe the balance that Obama now seems to be finding. It’s a different definition of leadership than America is known for, and it comes from two unspoken beliefs: that the relative power of the U.S. is declining, as rivals like China rise, and that the U.S. is reviled in many parts of the world. Pursuing our interests and spreading our ideals thus requires stealth and modesty as well as military strength. “It’s so at odds with the John Wayne expectation for what America is in the world,” the adviser said. “But it’s necessary for shepherding us through this phase.”"
That's right, leading from behind. You see, even though Obama is stupid, naive, arrogant, a terrible dancer and too cowardly to actually stand behind anything even resembling a "doctrine", the media, university professors and barristas are going to celebrate everything he does as if it was the right thing to do. Of course I do sort of agree with one part. If we are going to be shepherded (Sheesh, "shepherded"? Really?) through a new phase of second place-ism and diminished expectations with a loss of liberties, what better person to lead us from behind than Barack Hussein Obama? It's ok if you cry. That's what Obama would do.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Who's Going To Replace Glenn Beck?

How should I know? What do I look like, some expert on cable news shows? But anyway, here's my stupid opinion. I think it will be John Roberts. I would have thought that they would try to continue Glenn Beck's format with Judge Napolitano, who has been Beck's replacement when Beck was on vacation. But then I thought it was strange that they hired Roberts this January and that Roberts would take a demotion to be just a national correspondent on Fox when he had been an anchor on CBS and CNN. There have also been reports of friction between Roger Ailes and Rupert Murdoch over Beck and his show's format, so switching to more of a straight news guy seems to make sense. It also means that they knew Beck was going a while ago. The one thing I do know is that they should move Redeye (with Greg Gutfeld) up to Beck's old rerun spot.

Things I Suddenly Realized All Of The Sudden

  • Chickens don't respond to threats.
  • I just don't understand people. When they ask for license and registration, what difference does it make which body part you use to hand it to them? Stupid judge.
  • George W. Bush was stupid because he pronounced nuclear new-cue-lar, because it's not spelled that way. But everyone isn't stupid for pronouncing February feb-you-ary when it's not spelled that way.
  • Doctors don't take the Hippocratic oath anymore. And they haven't for quite a while.
  • Things would have turned out a lot better for Oedipus Rex if he didn't kill his father and marry his mother.
  • Saying "Oh no, she di'in't!" really loud during a murder trial is contempt of court. Stupid judge.

Friday, April 8, 2011

We Always Hurt 'The One' We Love

I'll admit it, I've been taking Obama for granted. Like most people, I've never realized the significance of electing someone named Barack Hussein Obama. Also William Howard Taft, but that's a different story. Anyways, I've decided to make amends...
  • I will refrain from drawing a mustache on the icon-like painting that the ObamaCare bill mandates we put up in our homes. (Man, I really wish we had read that thing more carefully).
  • No more jokes referring to him as a woman unless I think I can get a laugh.
  • I will stop asking for his birth certificate because seriously, if he's this intent on hiding it, it's got to be pretty darned scary.
  • I will finally give Obama credit for all those volcanic eruptions he's prevented.  
  • No more jokes about the White House property being a sasquatch preserve. 
  • I will make sure at least one part of my anatomy is facing Mecca the next time I vote.
  • I will not talk about Obama like a dog anymore. I will however continue to talk about him like a cat.
crossposted at evilconservatives.net

    For Divine (Who Probably Smells Like Ranch Dressing)

    It's A Please Help Me Music Friday

    Dear Lord, this is what has been dancing around me poor brain.

    And this is what I have been trying to bludgeon it out with.

    No matter how loud I crank it, it's still Xanadu.

    p.s. Music nerd time. That Foo Fighter is playing North drums.

    Pastor Terry Jones Strikes Again

    No, I'm not talking about those UN workers who were killed by Muslims because Pastor Terry Jones burned a bunch of Korans in Florida or wherever. I'm talking about the rash of hobo murders that have been occurring in my neighborhood since Terry Jones started burning Korans. The media (and some idiotic Senators) have made it clear that Muslims who murder people are not solely responsible as long as anyone, in any way, perturbs them. Which brings us to these hobo murders. That pastor guy burns some Korans and all of a sudden hobo bodies start showing up in alleys, floating in swimming pools and accidently falling off buildings? It's Muslims! There's simply no other explanation! And while some people (specifically the police who were questioning me about how my fingerprints ended up on those bindles and floppy shoes that were arranged to spell out "koran") may say that this has something to do with a illegal drug factory that may or may not be providing certain people with supplemental income in these harsh economic times, there's no mistaking the fact that Terry Jones is just plain responsible for inciting even more Muslims to kill innocent bystanders. Clearly, if Pastor Jones were locked up so that he couldn't burn any more Korans, these hobo killings would stop. Unless of course I needed more drug mules.

    crossposted at evilconservatives.net

    Tuesday, April 5, 2011

    Ok, computer problems have been fixed(?) and allergy-addled brain now almost up to half capacity, let's see if I have the ability to string a few sentences together.

    I'm Dizzy

    I'm going though stuff that I started but never got around to posting. I forgot to post this. Pass the Dramamine.





    Climbing A 1786 Foot Tall Tower - Watch more Funny Videos

    Saturday, April 2, 2011

    No, Melinda, It's Just The Random Lyrics

    Just put yourself in my new shoes
    And see that I do what I do
    Because the old guard still offend
    They've got nothing left on which we depend
    So enlist every ounce
    Of your bright blood
    And off with their heads
    Jump from The hook
    You're not obliged
    To swallow anything you despise
    That you despise