Saturday, December 24, 2011

Merry Christmas

Friday, December 23, 2011

This Is Where I Was Going To Do A Post On Barney Frank Phoning It In...

...but it's much too horrible and I don't want to sully this blog with man boobs. So here's a photo of Charlize Theron looking really good.

Friday Music Bloggy: Christmas Edition

One of the few modern Christmas songs that I like.

Our B+ President Is Being Graded On A Curve

A really generous curve. Playing Protect The Retard™ the other day, Tommy Christopher corrects New Jersey governor Chris Christie's assertion that Barack Obama had a full two years of filibuster-proof-to-pass-any-bill-I-want majority in Congress cause c'mon he only had like 7 months. And while you may wonder how a former community organizer couldn't have gotten by with just 59 votes and then used his considerable community organizer-y powers to muster more than zero votes, Tommy moves on to the advanced version of Protect The Retard (Special Edition)™ to explain that, really, he actually only had 14 weeks. I'm not sure why anyone would be drawing attention to how ineffective Obama has been as President but if they really want to pad his record they could also factor in his vacation and cocktail party time. Then they could knock his filibuster-proof Congress time down to maybe one afternoon. On a Friday. And you know no one wants to work on a Friday afternoon.

p.s. If this is the kind of crap that journalists are shoveling now to protect this adorable little puppy of a president, then next year's election season is going to be absolutely delicious.

Some People Still Know How To Make Commercials

I don't know why I would buy a car that can fit in the back of my pickup, but for some reason that seems kind of appealing right now.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

This Is What YouTube Is For...

I love this James Bond stuff. For whatever reason, I was trolling YouTube looking for old F1 races when I found this, the security video of a Mossad operation from last year. What do you do when you're after an arms dealer who kidnapped and killed two Israeli soldiers? If you're Israel, you hatch a highly complicated assassination plot involving at least thirty people and multiple origin and escape countries and take the sob out.

Guess Who's Got Himself A New Nickname

I was watching one of those History Channel things when they happened to mention that because of her massive spending habits and the failing French economy at the time, Marie Antoinette was called Madame Déficit. Considering that we just hit $15 trillion in debt while running trillion dollar deficits, I think someone just earned a new nickname.

I Guess My Bloggers' Block Is Just Going To Have To Continue

So anyway, I've been having trouble coming up with things to write about to entertain you people, so I've been trying to shake myself out of this funk. But nothing's worked. Finally, the other day I said to myself, "Self, turn on the computer and write anything about the very first article that catches your attention, just to get it out of the way." This is the article.

I...I have no words. Probably the worst part about this is that the "Feds" who regulate sperm donation are the Food and Drug Administration.

Things I Suddenly Realized All Of a Sudden

  • Lewis and Clark carried an airgun with them.
  • Confederate money is worth more than regular money today.
  • Wait, it's Harry Belafonte? Crap, I've been calling him Larry.
  • When a priest molests a child it's an indictment of all Catholics. When a coach/teacher molests a kid it is not an indictment of our education system.
  • Nolan Ryan never won a Cy Young.
  • All watermelon candies taste the same but none of them taste like real watermelon.
  • The 20th century was the most socialist era in human history.
  • The secret to winning a tontine is picking really accident prone people.
  • (Saw this one on twitter) The perfect crime would be commiting a crime while eating donuts.
  • iPhones make great toys for babies.

I've Been Burned By Prequels Before...

...but this looks good. Fingers crossed.

Best Of 2011: This Is How I'll Remember The Occupy Wall Street "Movement"

Time to catch up on stuff and clean out the never-made-it-to-the-blog bin before the year is up. In the same way that I remember those Star Wars prequels by the epic Harry Plinkett takedowns, this is how I'll remember the OWS trash of 2011. Adam Corolla gets on a roll (poor Alison Rosen) and goes off. Horribly profane but spot on.