News You Can Use?

• Man, New Jersey sucks!
• Remember how global warming caused all that.... yeah, not so much.
• Professional clown Jon Stewart makes $15 million a year but doesn't like it when other people make money.
• Barack Obama is exactly as classy as he seems to be.
• So I guess Scotland really is seceding from the UK.
• And now we know why!
• Randall Honey Badger has mutton chops?
• Shcool x-ng
• Who's up for some overpriced free range Sulawesi beer?
• I'm starting to think the Canadian space program is underfunded.