News You Can Use?

• The muppets are liberal shills.
• Angry fascist power whore now threatening talk show hosts.
• Remember that global warming consensus? Well, among weathermen it's actually 63-31 AGAINST. So therefore, something must be done!
• And by something I mean nothing. That's right, from the people who brought you the global warming scare, IT'S BEEN OVER FOR FIFTEEN YEARS.
• Pointing fingers at Obama? Yeah, that's racist. Obama's fingers? Delicious but still racist.
• Do what the New York City's Department of Health says or they'll cut your leg off.
• Joe Biden, our greatest American hero.
• Michelle Obama spent $50,000 on lingeri...lingeri.....ablaa..mguh..erp...AAAAA!!! MY EYES!!!AAAAA!!!(curls up under table) I don't wanna play anymore! I don't want to play anymore!!!!