Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Hey, You Know Who's Like Totally Going To Vote For Obama?

Soldiers. And not just any soldiers, South Carolinians. Because if there's one place Obama is really popular, it's the South. And in the military. That's right, from the U.S. Bureau of "Journalism" and Striking Coincidences, we've found another voting group, besides women and Catholics, in love with reelecting Obama. Yep, they're just so gosh-darned tired of those darn Republicans that they are totally going to vote for Obama and give him a second term. And this is news so important that Yahoo felt they should post it twice. On Sunday and again on Monday.
And you know how Obama now supports gay marriage (hey, I'd say I support gay marriage too if someone gave me $15 million dollars), and how Democrats were worried that African-Americans, those people who helped California and North Carolina pass anti-gay marriage bills, wouldn't be too happy about Obama's newest stance on gay marriage? Well, in one heck of a coincidence, they're totally fine with it!  Oh, and you know how gay marriage might be a problem for Obama with those religious types? Well, it turns out they've been conflicted (and therefore not at all angry with Obama) with this issue too! Just like with abortion! Everything's comin' up Obama!

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