Wednesday, August 1, 2012

A Recipe For Bo

*I wrote this a long time ago for a different blog I had that never really did anything. It was based on some creepy manlove comment that Chris Matthew (a real person) of MSNBC (not a real network) had made about something or other. Here it is, rewritten for Bo. It still creeps me out that I wrote this. All apologies.

We've seen the way he's been looking at you, Bo. The staring. The salivating. The seasoning he keeps in his vest pocket. You know it's only a matter of time. But instead of running for your life, have you ever considered turning the tables?

A Recipe For Bo (But Not For Bo)

Preheat that oven to 500°F cause Barry likes it hot. Rinse Obama, then dry him sensuously, inside and out. Seriously, every nook and cranny of that sexy body. You don't want Obama all steamy, at least not yet.

Salt and pepper his 'cavity', then tie up that Obama. You want his wings and legs to stay close to his sexy body to keep it from drying out. So he'll be nice and moist, just like his foreign policy.

Now, you need to salt Obama. I like to rain salt over Obama, just like David Axelrod used to do in the oval office anteroom, so there's a nice coating for crispy skin.

Place Obama in a pan and put him in the oven. Leave him alone. Don't baste him no matter how much you yearn to. Roast him until he's done, for about the average length of one of his speeches, 50 to 60 minutes. Remove Barry from the oven and baste him good. Baste him the same same way he bastes our ears with his sweet sweet words, as if you were pandering to a room full of voters. Then let him rest for 15 minutes on a cutting board, cause pandering... er... basting makes Barry very tired.

Remove the string. Remove the legs and those sexy thighs. The preparation is not meant to be super-elegant because Obama is a man of the people. Slather Obama with fresh butter. Remember, more butter equals more better Bama. You'll start by using a knife and fork, but you'll end up finishing him with your bitter clingy fingers because he's just that good.

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