Saturday, December 20, 2014

Your LightBringeh Quote Of The Day

“Our first 100 days we spent a lot of time signing executive orders undoing what [President George W.] Bush did, and I would like not to be sitting on a beach somewhere reading about President [Ted] Cruz doing that to us,”

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Things I Suddenly Realized All Of A Sudden Again

  • Did the Death Star have a lower setting? Like could they have killed a nation instead of just blowing up the whole planet?
  • I've been on the internet since about 1985. Although not consecutively.
  • Grand Prixes don't offer a grand prize anymore. You get paid at the end of the year.
  • Roger Moore never ordered a martini as James Bond.
  • Obama doesn't just need to be impeached, he needs to be imwatermelonned because those are bigger and they'll hurt more.
  • The main difference between justice and social justice is that social justice is a lot more lucrative. And also is not about justice.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Boom (Goes The ObamaCare)

Oh, and the longer version, which for some reason was deleted after the video above came out, is back, although if you're looking for some "context" to refute the fact that ObamaCare was passed on anything but lies you might not be happy.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Elections Woo!

Let's just get this out of the way. (I think) Republicans win 53 seats and take back control of the Senate. And I think we'll have two runoffs. Yes, my spidey sense is tingling when I look at how close the polls are but people fancier than me seem to think all but the Kansas Senate race (which I think the incumbent will win) are pretty much over. Personally, I hope the GOP gets to 51 today just so we don't have to live through the media thinking the runoffs are the most important thing ever even though they've pretty much ignored the elections up to now because their team was losing. And now, questions...
  • If the GOP wins, will Tea Partiers finally be punished for their insolence?
  • Now that his only discernible skill (campaigning) is no longer needed, will Obama finally break down and play a little golf to relax?
  • Are Hispanics really going to fall for the whole amnesty-for-votes thing one more time? 
  • Does CO Gov. Hickenlooper get dragged down if Udall loses Colorado? Are we going to have a possible split ticket in Kansas too?
  • If both Udall and Crist win what happens to Allahpundit?
  • Does Obama now have a super-duper mandate?
  • Will ObamaCare be delayed anymore now that Obama doesn't care? (That's gold right there, baby, comedy gold) 
  • With Obama screwing things up for another two years, can Democrats really be expected to take back the Senate?
  • What happens to Harry Reid? His PAC desperately wasted quite a bit of money on these elections so you can read this in two ways: "I wanted to stay majority leader but I'll be back in two years so I'll keep my cushy job." or "I can't believe we lost. And with the crap I've pulled these past few years, I'm not going back to the kiddie table!"
  • Why would anyone vote for Martha Coakley?
  • Why did they wait until now to have Joe Biden Scotchgarded?

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Murderous Genocide As Art

Just imagine the horror, you and the rest of your town's denizens are just sitting there going about your daily town business when suddenly a wave of molten metal comes flooding in devouring everyone and everything. Still, pretty cool.

It's Nightmare Fuel Wednesday!

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

I Got Nothin' So It's Time For Halloween

My usual coming-from-behind to try to make my yearly quota ain't happening this year so you people are going to get nothing. Well, maybe a few YouTube videos. And some leftovers from previous years. But probably not much else. Unless it's John Houseman telling a ghost story. So turn up the sound and turn down the lights... Halloween is coming.

Tips For A Southbound IowaHawk

Apparently, a certain blogger needed to leave his state in a hurry and move somewhere with access to both the border and the open ocean. Hey, who am I to judge? If they ever look into my crawlspace I may have to... uh... never mind. Anyway, now that this fugitive from the corn is heading to a southern state, specifically Texas, there may be a few things he needs to know...
  • Your odds of getting Ebola just went up.
  • Your odds of getting hit by a tornado, hurricane and a Cadillac with a set of horns on the hood also just went up.
  • Your odds of thinking, "Hey, it's so nice out tonight I think I'll sleep outside like they did in the olden days", and then waking up with a rattlesnake curled up in your crotch just went up too.
  • We don't have seasons down here. They kept getting in the way of our barbequeing.
  • Texas leads the nation in executions so whatever you did in Iowa you best not do that down here.
  • Secession isn't a last resort down here, it's a default position.
  • Yes, there really are armadillos in Amarillo.
  • You're in Texas now, things no longer get better if you keep moving south. They actually get much, much worse.
  • Hey carpetbagger, prepare to hear the word, "carpetbagger".
  • You're now a little higher up on the food chain. The corn grown in Iowa is used for Texas cattle feed. (probably, I don't really know)
  • Oh, and speaking of which, you have a new life's goal.

Monday, October 20, 2014

We're In Good Hands

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Oh, And By The Way, Here's Your Quote Of The Day

"As the New York Times recently reported, Congress could end up providing a de facto authorization for the president's airstrikes by not explicitly voting them down. Put on notice about Obama's legal justification for launching the strikes, their inaction could be interpreted as a ratification."

I don't quite get all that well-reasoned legal mumbo-jumbo, that something is "de facto ratified" as long as it's never put to a vote, but I'm pretty sure it means the next Republican presidency is going to be awesome.

Nailed It

Although if you read the Huffington Post you probably don't know who the president is anyway so whatever.

Maximum Effort

Via Hotair, here's the President not bothering to put his coffee cup down before saluting Marines.
And keep in mind this is from the official White House Instagram. They wanted you to see this.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Obama Finally Decides To Secure The Fence

Carl's Back

Monday, September 8, 2014


Oh, and the answer is - a little more than 2 and a half miles.

Friday, September 5, 2014

Hey Chuck Todd, Prepare To Hear The Word "Strategy"

Apparently, the smartest president evah has decided that a 38% approval might be the trigger point to hold a séance with a true believer and fool the people into thinking he's competent. After being elected and then reelected he'll probably do it, but since Chuck Todd's new to the job he might need some help thinking up questions appropriate for a prestigious visit from El Presidente...
  • How may I serve you, my master?
  • So which fundraiser are you going to after this?
  • Did you know your eyes sparkle like a million stars made of diamonds?
  • How are those new golf clubs working out for you?
  • Al-Qaeda has stated they are expanding into India, when do we release the hashtag?
  • I received your pre-approved questions sheet but weren't you supposed to autograph it?
  • What kind of well-thought-out super strategic statement to ISIL were you making with the beige suit?
  • It's very nice to have you in our studio, Mr. President but who's entertaining Biden with the monkey puppet while you're here?
  • If I promise not to tell will you whisper who the Kirsten Gillibrand chubby chaser is?
  • If you had a presidency that was dissolving into malaise and incompetence, what kind of tree would you be?

Put Down That Chainsaw And Listen To... Music Friday!

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Your Quote Of The Day


“It was eerie. It was as if there had been no Obama presidency. If I am right in my analysis, the complete absence of panels assessing Obama’s record is an indication that the academy now regards Obama as an indefensible embarrassment.”

I'll agree with the first part. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Obama showed up right next to Joan Rivers at the next Academy Awards memorial with other entertainers we've lost in the past year. It's the second part of the quote I'm not buying. They'll defend him. After everything they've invested in him they'll defend every square inch of his presidency the same way they have for that other heart-throb/in-over-his-head mediocre president, John Kennedy. And considering Kennedy's presidency ended 50 years ago, I'm guessing people deranged enough to think Obama's pant creases were some sort of sign of royal inheritance will also think Obama is embarrassingly defensible for a long time to come.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Random Thought Of The Day

Letting history wash over you and then maybe responding to it after the fact polls much better than having a spine. As much as Chamberlain's name is mud in the context of history, no one remembers the others who paralleled Chamberlain's foreign policy during those same years.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

I Heard The News Today, Oh Boy

Monday, August 11, 2014

So I Guess It Was All Worth It...

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Presented Without Comment

I Heard The News Today, Oh Boy


Also I'm back from being bored with blogging.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Things I Suddenly Realized All Of A Sudden All Over Again

  • That Star Trek show was alright but what was with that Spock guy always flashing gang signs?
  • Our banking system is based not on sound principles but on mutually assured destruction.
  • Hollywood Rule Number 17: Every man with an English accent will eventually play a butler.
  • Shouldn't the oath of office come with a laugh track?
  • If Nixon had been a Democrat he wouldn't have had to worry about Woodward and Bernstein.
  • Why do so many people morn the loss of the Brooklyn Dodgers when no one gives a crap that the Giants left for San Francisco the same year?
  • When I see an American flag in front of a business I just assume it's not run by a Democrat.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Like Anyone Would Care, It's Random Lyrics

They seemed like innocent words
Maybe I heard them wrong
I never knew what they were
I was singing a different song

This could be just what we need right now
Tell me how it feels to be
The living end of your time

The stupid things that they say
 'Bout what he's supposed to be
This kid believes what he reads
And he's taking 'em seriously

This could be just what we're looking for
Tell me more about how you became
The living end of your time

And when you look into the bathroom mirror
Can you see an entire generation
Crying through those eyes?

A certain kind of despair
Pompous and terrified
This fish jumped out of the bowl
Flopped around for a while and died

This could mean anything we want it to
I wish I knew just how I might become
The living end of my time

It May Be Time To Stop Asking Questions And Just Accept What The Evidence Is Telling Us

Shot: Kurds offered to help stop ISIS months ago — but didn’t hear back from the White House

Chaser: "I'm like, oh, my God. I felt awful that I'm holding up a Joint Chiefs of Staff meeting because he wanted to talk sports (laughter)."

Monday, February 24, 2014

It's The Giant Red Pen That Sells It

I would normally not be in favor of stifling free speech, but I can see by your arts and crafts skills that you are indeed correct.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Things I Suddenly Realized All Of A Sudden Again

  • You can't bring a 3D printed gun on a plane but does that mean you can't bring a 3D printer?
  • The Dodge Charger is the one modern car which could really use some tail fins.
  • Misogynists hate women. Feminists hate men.
  • Wouldn't it have been easier to just hollow out and attach rockets to a small moon than build a death star from scratch?
  • If Democrats don't believe in trickle-down economics why do they support giving so much money to the richest entity in the United States?
  • Amelia Earhart is overrated.
  • When someone says they work from home I always imagine a cubicle sitting in a living room.

Saturday, February 1, 2014


I'm a little surprised by the tiny point spread but I'm going with the Broncos. Carl disagrees.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Bill Gates Versus The Chess Champion Of The World

And it only lasts a little over a minute.

He missed a mate in 1? I guess that explains Windows 8 (hey-ohhh).

I think this is right...
  1. P-K4     N-QB3
  2. N-KB3  P-Q4
  3. B-Q3     N-KB3
  4. PxP       QxP
  5. N-QB3  Q-KR4
  6. O-O       B-KN5
  7. P-KR3   N-K4
  8. PxB       KNxP
  9. NxN      Q-KR7 mate

Saturday, January 18, 2014


In case you missed it our government passed a $1.1 Trillion bipartisan bill in the spirit of bipartisanship and not-shutting-the-government-downedness. Of course no one read the bill so it sailed right through and now we get a chance to find out what's in it...

"The wide-ranging “omnibus” spending bill just approved by Congress, with the cooperation of Republicans, failed to include a proposed provision reversing a new Obama regulation that will turn all those nonprofit groups – which had been targeted as potential violators of their tax-free status – into TAXABLE institutions.
So no need for targeting!
Keeping this provision out, according to Kimberly Strassel of the Wall Street Journal, was the one thing on which Democrats would not compromise during negotiations over the bill."

The one thing Democrats would not compromise. Hmmmm, sounds like being able to shut out Tea Party groups and their stupid free speech seems kind of important to Democrats. Almost as if they think wiping out political enemies will help them win elections.  Crazy people would say this is a violation of the first amendment but hey, it's a tax, right, John Roberts? But how could establishment Republicans have allowed such a measure to get through?

Oh, that's right, because we're at war.

We're all in this together as long as you stupid racist Tea Baggers agree that we need to push the liberal agenda. But more slowly than liberals. Cause see that's the difference between the two parties; how quickly we expand government and take things.

But questions: With (the good) Republicans in open war with Tea Partiers and conservatives over spending and amnesty and whatever until after the primaries, what are they (the good Republicans) going to do to drag em back to the voting booth in November, or even 2016? If even a jerk like me is considering sitting out these elections, what is the plan? Are they expecting illegal immigrants to cast the votes Americans don't want to cast? But for Republicans? Do they expect the eventual Democratic candidate to be so polarizing that a Jeb Bush or a Chris Christie will look like a Barry Goldwater? Is the GOP expecting such a windfall of cash that they won't need any self-funded extraneous groups mucking up their messaging?