Friday, January 29, 2016

I Know Too Many Mean-Funny People

Someone - If I move to Koala Lumpur I won't have to hear all this bad news all the time.
Me - "Koala"?
Someone - Yeah, where all the koalas live. I want to go there so I can play with the bears.
Me -  Didn't I read something about how they're dying off because of STDs?
Someone - Whatever. I'll just play with the ones Amy Schumer hasn't slept with.

Iowa Prediction Time

My only prediction is that whoever wins the caucuses won't win the presidency. Other than that I think it's kind of funny seeing people say they can see Trump winning really big and also with a chance to get less than 10%. That's how messed up this primary season is.

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Things I Suddenly Realized All Of The Sudden

  • Socialism relies on people's innate selfishness more that capitalism.
  • Jack Lemmon only ever played Jack Lemmon.
  • You can never put too much cheese on a cheeseburger (By definition it can't be more than 50% by volume)
  • The Catholic Church will lose more congregants by "changing with the times" and becoming more liberal than being too conservative.
  • Your odds of walking out of a hospital are a lot better if you walked in in the first place.
  • Politicians lie to us because we need to be lied to.
  • If you want to move somewhere to isolate yourself from American society you don't move out to the woods, you move to NYC.
  • Nashville's dead.

Monday, January 4, 2016

America's Future Is Not Good At Dealing QOTD

"I'm not sure it's just the NBA," Sarver said. "My whole view of the millennial culture is that they have a tough time dealing with setbacks,...."