Someone - If I move to Koala Lumpur I won't have to hear all this bad news all the time.
Me - "Koala"?
Someone - Yeah, where all the koalas live. I want to go there so I can play with the bears.
Me - Didn't I read something about how they're dying off because of STDs?
Someone - Whatever. I'll just play with the ones Amy Schumer hasn't slept with.
Friday, January 29, 2016
My only prediction is that whoever wins the caucuses won't win the presidency. Other than that I think it's kind of funny seeing people say they can see Trump winning really big and also with a chance to get less than 10%. That's how messed up this primary season is.
Monday, January 25, 2016
Friday, January 22, 2016
Friday, January 8, 2016
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
- Socialism relies on people's innate selfishness more that capitalism.
- Jack Lemmon only ever played Jack Lemmon.
- You can never put too much cheese on a cheeseburger (By definition it can't be more than 50% by volume)
- The Catholic Church will lose more congregants by "changing with the times" and becoming more liberal than being too conservative.
- Your odds of walking out of a hospital are a lot better if you walked in in the first place.
- Politicians lie to us because we need to be lied to.
- If you want to move somewhere to isolate yourself from American society you don't move out to the woods, you move to NYC.
- Nashville's dead.